I make no secret of the fact that I believe soccer (or football, or footie, or whatever you want to call it) the most boring sport in the world…with the possible exception of NASCAR, but at least things can crash and catch on fire in NASCAR. So far as I know, Pele never exploded mid-field (and the ‘beautiful game’ is the lesser for it).

In any case, I do realize that this very strongly held opinion puts me in the vast minority of the global population, especially around World Cup time.

Here in Canada our national broadcaster, the CBC, has gone completely gonzo for all things World Cup (mostly, I think, because they also happen to be broadcasting most of the games here in Canada…) The CBC has even advocated picking a country–any country–to cheer for, just so you can join in on the madness.

So I’m picking North Korea.

Oh sure, it’s not the popular choice and it would be easy to support some other more likable nation, particularly here in Toronto. I could pick Italy and head down to the bars on College St., or pick Greece and grab some souvlaki on the Danforth.

But I think supporting North Korea could be soooo much more interesting.

Now, I don’t know how the bracket will ultimate work out (see my above comments about not giving a rat’s ass about soccer) but here’s what the writer, the storyteller, the dramatist in me wants to happen:

North Korea vs. South Korea for the World Cup.

Ehh? Pretty good right? Could you imagine what would happen? The entire world–even people like me who don’t care–would come to a grinding halt and be glued to the TV to watch the outcome.

More than that, since the Korean War isn’t officially over, I say that not only do they play for the World Cup (which, by the way, is not remotely cup-shaped, unlike the supreme trophies in other real sports…) but I say the two Koreas double-down and agree that whoever wins the game also wins the Korean War and gets complete, immediate control of the troubled peninsula!

SERIOUSLY. How is this not already happening? The idea is THAT GOOD.

Go North Korea!

You’re welome,

– S.