Why I’m Cheering for North Korea in the World Cup

I make no secret of the fact that I believe soccer (or football, or footie, or whatever you want to call it) the most boring sport in the world…with the possible exception of NASCAR, but at least things can crash and catch on fire in NASCAR. So far as I know, Pele never exploded mid-field (and the ‘beautiful game’ is the lesser for it).

In any case, I do realize that this very strongly held opinion puts me in the vast minority of the global population, especially around World Cup time.

Here in Canada our national broadcaster, the CBC, has gone completely gonzo for all things World Cup (mostly, I think, because they also happen to be broadcasting most of the games here in Canada…) The CBC has even advocated picking a country–any country–to cheer for, just so you can join in on the madness.

So I’m picking North Korea.

Oh sure, it’s not the popular choice and it would be easy to support some other more likable nation, particularly here in Toronto. I could pick Italy and head down to the bars on College St., or pick Greece and grab some souvlaki on the Danforth.

But I think supporting North Korea could be soooo much more interesting.

Now, I don’t know how the bracket will ultimate work out (see my above comments about not giving a rat’s ass about soccer) but here’s what the writer, the storyteller, the dramatist in me wants to happen:

North Korea vs. South Korea for the World Cup.

Ehh? Pretty good right? Could you imagine what would happen? The entire world–even people like me who don’t care–would come to a grinding halt and be glued to the TV to watch the outcome.

More than that, since the Korean War isn’t officially over, I say that not only do they play for the World Cup (which, by the way, is not remotely cup-shaped, unlike the supreme trophies in other real sports…) but I say the two Koreas double-down and agree that whoever wins the game also wins the Korean War and gets complete, immediate control of the troubled peninsula!

SERIOUSLY. How is this not already happening? The idea is THAT GOOD.

Go North Korea!

You’re welome,

– S.

Seafloor Nuclear Detonation to Plug Gulf of Mexico Oil Spill *OR* How I Learned to Stop Worrying and Let the Bomb Solve All My Problems

Is this what James Cameron has wrought?

When I heard that a Hollywood director was consulting with BP and the US government on outside-the-box solutions to the Gulf Coast oil spill and how to plug that damn well I knew we’d entered the Twilight Zone. (Now, Cameron does have legitimate underwater cred from his underwater film work on The Abyss and Titanic–both the movie and the later documentaries he produced–but still…)

But confirmation that we’d crossed over into the Bizarro world came today with The New York Times reporting that nuclear detonations are being advocated by some “armchair engineers” (but not Cameron, at least so far) as a means to seal the oil spill.

The theory behind this “plan” (and I use the ironic quotes advisedly) is that the extreme heat an exploding atom bomb generates–temperatures hotter than the surface of the sun–when detonated under the sea floor can turn acres of porous rock into a glassy plug, much like a huge stopper in a leaky bottle.

Decades ago, the Soviet Union reportedly used nuclear blasts to successfully seal off runaway gas wells, inserting a bomb deep underground and letting its fiery heat melt the surrounding rock to shut off the flow.

The plan is being backed by “all the best scientists”, according to the blissfully, ignorantly optimistic Matt Simmons, a Houston energy expert and investment banker, who filled Bloomberg News in on his plan last Friday.

The only scientist who likes this idea is this guy:

Could you imagine pitching this idea to Obama?

Obama: Is this plan really a workable option, folks?
Strangelove: It would not be difficult Mein Fuhrer! Nuclear weapons could, heh…I’m sorry–Mr. President…

With the failure of the so-called “top kill” effort to plug the leak with mud, BP has moved on to a plan that involves cutting and removing a damaged part of the crippled Deepwater Horizon drill rig (which will temporarily increase the flow from the leak by 20 PERCENT!) and putting a cap over the cleanly cut pipe. Has anyone wondered what happens if they cut the pipe and can’t then get the jimmy hat on? We have a 20% bigger problem…

This is all an effort to stop the leak temporarily while BP drills relief wells which will siphon off the oil and stop the leak, but such a plan won’t be in place until August and presents its own problems.

The drilling of those relief wells creates a whole new set of worries, including unintended fractures that would create additional leaks.

“If the rock formation that holds the oil has been cracked or compromised in any way, that pressure is going to find another way to get out,” said one official. “And if it comes up through a crack or a seam, it could come up anywhere. And that’s what they are trying to avoid.”

What frightens me most is that the oil industry cares so little about the possibility of emergency situations that there is no contingency plan for these kinds of catastrophes. Every time one of the BP stooges steps in front of a microphone to explain what the next attempt will be to staunch the flow they always include the caveat that none of what they’re proposing has ever been tried in 5000 feet of water and has a limited possibility of success.

So perhaps you shouldn’t drill somewhere you can’t fix the problems you might create. And really, BP’s every solution has sounded downright laughable: pumping heavy mud into the pipe in hopes of sealing it? Something called a ‘junk shot’–which I even heard one spokesman say was “far more hi-tech than it sounds”… Really? Because it just sounds like your going to try and cram shit down the pipe in the hopes you might block the tube. (And when the process was described that’s pretty much what the “plan” consisted of).

How was this kind of problem never foreseen and planned for? What scares me is that it probably was foreseen and planning for it would simply have cost too much money so it was ignored, assuming (as these companies always seem to) that it would never happen anyway…

Hoping everything just goes well all the time (pardon the pun) is called ‘hubris’. And you know what the gods do to those who suffer from hubris, don’t you?

Buggered. Every time.

I sincerely hope that the process of sealing this well (which has apparently already cost BP more than $1 billion), the hit that BP stock will continue to take because of this tragedy, and the combined costs of the civil and criminal liability they will face drive this corporation into bankruptcy. Only then, in the face of a similar fate should one of their drilling projects have a catastrophic incident, will others in the petroleum industry take seriously the need to plan ahead for contingencies, anticipate worst-case scenarios, and actually be prepared to take responsibility for their corporate actions.

– S.

The 2010 Prix Aurora Awards Winners

Kudos to Edward Willett for posting the results of the 2010 Prix Aurora Awards ceremony, held last night in Winnipeg at KeyCon, Manitoba’s annual sci-fi convention and this year’s host of the Canvention (which includes the presentation of the Auroras).

Congratulations to all the winners, especially Rob Sawyer, who won the Aurora for Best Novel in English for Wake. Alas, my fellow Stop-Watch Gang member Brad Carson didn’t win in the short story category, so he now joins Tony Pi and me in the “it was an honor just to be nominated” club.

Surprisingly, Ed’s website was the ONLY place online that I was able to find the results, even a full 24-hours after the presentation. Hmmm. Curious. Was it because it’s a long weekend here in Canada that word wasn’t spread immediately?

If I were part of the Aurora committee and wanted to raise the profile of the premier Canadian award for science fiction and fantasy, I would have a press release ready to go to all media and fan organizations as soon as the award ceremony was done, and I would also have the official website updated ASAP with the results. As of this posting (9:15pm EST on Monday) there is still no information on the awards available on the official site.

Better yet: in this age of Twitter, why not have someone tasked with tweeting the results as they happen?

You know, just sayin’…

UPDATE (25 May 2010): You can now also find the complete list of winners at the Canadian SF Works Database

– S.

Have aliens hijacked the Voyager 2 spacecraft?

There aren’t even words to describe how much I want this to be true:

The Voyager 2 spacecraft, launched by NASA in 1977, is (along with its twin Voyager 1) the most distant human-made objects. They are approximately 10.5 billion miles from Earth and in about five years they are expected to pass through the heliosphere, the bubble the sun creates around the solar system, and be the first man-made objects to enter interstellar space.

For the past 33 years NASA has been in contact with these probes as they have been sending streams of data back to Earth for study by scientists. But on April 22, 2010, the stream of information from Voyager 2 suddenly changed. The spacecraft’s science data was received from 8.6 billion miles away in a changed format that mission managers could not decode.

NASA claims that it’s a software problem with the flight data system was the cause of the change, but German academic Hartwig Hausdorf believes that because all other parts of the spacecraft appear to be functioning properly, the change could be due to work of aliens.

He told the German newspaper Bild: “It seems almost as if someone has reprogrammed or hijacked the probe – thus perhaps we do not yet know the whole truth.”

Voyager 2 carries a gold disk with greetings in 55 languages on it in case the craft encounters other life forms. Is how the aliens have responded?

Keep your tentacles crossed that it is!

– S.

Brad Carson for the Aurora!

Okay, all you Canucks out there:

It’s time once again to submit your votes for Canada’s top SF prize, the Prix Aurora Awards!

This year, I’m very pleased that my good friend and fellow Stop-Watch Gang member, Brad Carson, is a finalist for Best Short-Form Work in English category. His nominated story, “Here There Be Monsters”, was his first professional sale and is part of the anthology AGES OF WONDER (which is, itself, nominated for an Aurora in the Best Work in English-Other category) edited by Julie Czerneda and Rob St. Martin.

I was lucky enough to get a chance to read “Here There Be Monsters” in draft form and I knew it was something special. Now, all of you have the chance to realize that too!

You can read the full text of “Here There Be Monsters” right now on Brad’s blog here.

Read it. Love it. Vote for it!

You can find the complete list of nominees and instructions on voting here.

– S.

Tony Pi: Made of Awesome

w00t!

It’s been a big week for my good friend (and evil twin) Tony Pi. Not only does he have a great story, “A Sweet Calling” (which the Stop-Watch Gang got to read in draft), coming out in Clarkesworld (UPDATE: Tony’s story is now online at Clarkesworld and can be found here), but he has also just been highlighted in a Publishers Weekly starred review!

Publishers Weekly is the trade journal for the book business and a “starred review” is their highest honor; starred reviews “denote books of exceptional merit.”

You can find the review on their site or below.

Nice work, Tony!

– S.

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Alembical 2 Edited by Lawrence M. Schoen and Arthur Dorrance. Paper Golem (www.papergolem.com), $28 (228p) ISBN 978-0-9795349-7-3; $16 paper ISBN 978-0-9795349-8-0

According to Walter H. Hunt’s introduction, the novella is the hardest form to get right, but editors Schoen and Dorrance have found three authors who nail it perfectly. In Tony Pi’s “The Paragon Lure,” an immortal thief investigates an elegant and occasionally nerve-racking mystery about a flawless pearl. David D. Levine packs powerful emotion into “Second Chance,” a tale of resurrected scientists in a space research station that has lost touch with Earth. In J. Kathleen Cheney’s “Iron Shoes,” a handsome young male of the Fair Folk is either the greatest problem or the greatest hope for Imogen, a half-fae in danger of losing her home. Cheney’s narrative lingers while the others are faster-paced, but all three have plenty of story for readers to sink their teeth into. (June)

Elemental, Dear Watson!

A team of Russian and American scientists has discovered a new element that has long stood as a missing link among the heaviest bits of atomic matter ever produced. The element, still nameless, appears to point the way toward a brew of still more massive elements with chemical properties no one can predict.

The team produced six atoms of the element by smashing together isotopes of calcium and a radioactive element called berkelium in a particle accelerator.

Data collected by the team seem to support what theorists have long suspected: that as newly created elements become heavier and heavier they will eventually become much more stable and longer-lived than the fleeting bits of artificially produced matter seen so far.

If the trend continues toward a theorized “island of stability” at higher masses, said Dawn A. Shaughnessy, a chemist at Lawrence Livermore National Laboratory in California who is on the team, the work could generate an array of strange new materials with as yet unimagined scientific and practical uses.

When asked about a possible name for Element 117–temporarily named ununseptium–Dr. Shaughnessy said that while “it’s so fundamentally cool” to add a square to the Periodic Table of the Elements, there’s been no discussion of a name.

“We’ve never discussed names because it’s sort of like bad karma,” she said. “It’s like talking about a no-hitter during the no-hitter. We’ve never spoken of it aloud.”

– S.

Things Overhead at My Writers Group Meeting

Hi all –

While I’ve been away from the blog for a while, I’ve not been entirely out of the fiction game: I’ve joined a new writers group. It’s going extremely well, we all seem to want the same things out of the group (even if that’s where most of our similarities end) and we’ve even got a kickass name and motto:

The Stop-Watch Gang — “We will cut you!”

Before you ask: no, we’re not looking for new members and, besides, we have criteria. You have to have at least one professional sale, as defined by the SFWA rules for membership. We’re actually a pretty impressive group, if I do say so: our collective credentials include four published novels, an Aurora Award, two Aurora nominations, three Writers of the Future wins, and between us perhaps a couple of dozen short story publications.

One of the great things about writers groups is the odd and hilarious things overheard during meetings as we critique each others stories. I know that Clarion does a t-shirt every year, and I kept a running tally of bon mots from my Writers of the Future workshop week, so I thought that I’d share some of the ongoing hilarity of the Stop-Watch Gang. These are all comments that illustrate an individual’s reaction to a particular story under consideration (note: attributions have been removed to protect the innocent…)

“It’s like Piers Anthony on speed.”

“It’s Agatha Christie-punk!”

“Omniscient? That’s not good enough.”

“Just call it a big @#%$ing wall!”

“Spirits are a pain in the @#%$ing ass…”

“Sorry Stephen–there’s even more snark in yours.”

“Blah blah blah–just erupt the volcano already!”

“Oh! Alliteration! Yeah, you don’t want that.”

“I like $@#% like this…I don’t do it, but I like $@#% like this.”

More quotable quotes as they become available…

– S.

Knock on…Bone?

This…from this?

A truly amazing discovery: a means of transforming rattan wood into–wait for it–a replacement for human bone grafts.

Scientists in Italy have developed a way of turning rattan wood into bone that is almost identical to the human tissue. Simply, rattan is heated, carbon and calcium are added, the wood is further heated under intense pressure in an oven-like machine and a phosphate solution is introduced.

After about 10 days, the rattan wood has been transformed into the bone-like material. Within months, the real and artificial bone will have fused, as rattan has porous properties which enable blood, nerves and other compounds to travel through it. Eventually you don’t even see the joint where the graft was inserted.

Just amazing. Get all the details here.

– S.

CALL FOR PAPERS: “Social Science on the Final Frontier” August 23 – 25, 2010, Laurentian University, Sudbury, Ontario

Laurentian University in Sudbury, Ontario, has issued a call for papers for an academic conference entitled “Social Science on the Final Frontier.” Guest authors at the event will include Robert J. Sawyer, Karl Schroeder, and Julie E. Czerneda.

Paper proposals of roughly 250 words should be submitted to Tim Nieguth by May 15, 2010.

Full text of the call for papers follows. For more information see the conference website: http://inord.laurentian.ca/SF.html

Call for Papers:
Social Science on the Final Frontier
August 23 – 25, 2010
Laurentian University Sudbury, Ontario

MIGRATIONS: THE LAURENTIAN ASSOCIATION FOR SCIENCE FICTION is pleased to invite paper proposals for a conference on science fiction and society.

As a genre, science fiction entails implicit or explicit assumptions about social ontology, societal values, norms and traditions, the operation of power, the production, distribution and consumption of goods, the motors of social change, and the nature of social laws. It therefore offers a rich field of inquiry and a valuable heuristic device to social scientists. We welcome any proposals that aim to explore the terrain of science fiction from the perspective of political science, economics, or other social sciences.

Given the conference location in Northern Ontario, we are especially (but by no means exclusively) interested in paper proposals that address the “Canadian dimension” of science fiction, internal colonialism, the relationship between frontier and utopia, or the nature of resource extraction societies.

The organizers will consider selected papers for publication in an edited collection.

Please submit paper proposals of roughly 250 words to Tim Nieguth by May 15, 2010.

Proposals should be accompanied by a brief author bio and full contact information (including email). Please feel free to contact the conference organizers for additional information about the conference.

Conference organizers:

Tim Nieguth Department of Political Science Laurentian University Sudbury, Ontario Canada P3E 2C6 Tel.: (705) 675-1151, ext. 4329 tnieguth@laurentian.ca

David Robinson Department of Economics Laurentian University Sudbury, Ontario Canada P3E 2C6 Tel.: (705) 675-1151, ext. 4285 drobinson@laurentian.ca